“We can’t control what people say, but we have a say in how we react. Refusing to give others power over our feelings is a mark of emotional intelligence. It’s worth asking: has this person earned the right to influence my emotions? If not, return to sender.” ~ Adam Grant
We’ve all been there: someone makes a comment that stings, lingers, and suddenly we find ourselves replaying it over and over in our heads. Words can cut deep, but what if we gave ourselves permission to pause and ask, does this person really deserve influence over how I feel?
Adam Grant’s reminder is both freeing and grounding. We cannot control what others say, but we do get to decide how much weight we give their words. Emotional intelligence is not about suppressing our feelings; it’s about discerning which voices matter and which don’t. Not everyone has earned the privilege of shaping our inner world.
Think about the people who have earned that right, trusted friends, mentors, and loved ones who see you clearly and want the best for you. Their feedback, even when challenging, can be a gift. But the passing remark from a stranger? The offhand critique from someone who doesn’t know your heart? That’s where Grant’s wisdom comes in, and you can return to sender.
By refusing to hand over our emotional well-being to anyone and everyone, we conserve energy for what truly matters. This practice is not about building walls; it’s about setting healthy boundaries.
Next time a stray comment threatens to derail your day, take a breath. Ask yourself: Has this person earned the right to influence me? If not, send it back.
Stretching alongside you,
Amy
