“Each of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success, and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy. When we exceed our inner thermostat setting, we will often do something to sabotage ourselves, causing us to drop back into the old, familiar zone where we feel secure.” ~ Gay Hendricks, psychologist and author
Have you ever noticed how quickly you retreat after feeling joyful or after celebrating a success?
You achieve what you have been working towards. Your body feels strong. Your relationships feel open. And then, almost reflexively, you pick a fight, lack motivation and skip your routines, or minimize your success, saying, “It was nothing.”
That’s the thermostat at work.
Your nervous system is calibrated to what feels familiar, not what is expansive. If joy, visibility, ease, or creative flow exceed your internal set point, your system reads it as unsafe. The sabotage isn’t a character flaw; just understand that your nervous system trying to regulate back to a set point that feels familiar.
Here’s the deeper invitation: not just learning to tolerate more good… but actually increasing the good in your life … intentionally.
In strength training, we use progressive overload to build capacity. In wellness, the same principle applies. You gently increase your exposure to what nourishes you: rest, connection, creative risk, joy, meaningful work, allowing your nervous system to adapt.
Increasing the good might look like:
Scheduling time for fun with the same commitment as work and home responsibilities.
Letting a compliment land by saying “thank you” instead of deflecting it.
Creating before you feel “ready.”
Protecting rest and recovery as fiercely as productivity.
Choosing relationships that feel reciprocal, supportive, and uplift you.
When something goes well, pause. Breathe. Stay present with the feeling instead of bracing and waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Teach your body that feeling good is not a threat.
You don’t raise your thermostat through force or shaming. You raise it through repetition. Through micro-moments of allowing. By taking small steps. Through deciding that feeling good is not indulgent, it’s our birthright, and is more sustainable in the long run.
Growth isn’t always about pushing harder. Sometimes it’s about expanding your capacity to receive, to savor, to remain in alignment when life feels generous.
You are allowed to create a life that feels better.
Take small steps and invite yourself to increase the capacity for joy, love, and fulfillment by turning up the thermostat dial one degree at a time.
Stretching alongside you,
Amy
